The next two weeks are tough on big guys. Halloween is approaching, and a walk through those seasonal costume shops reveals what you already know, what you knew last year, and what you are sure everybody else knows:
They don’t make costumes for fat guys. Oh sure, there are costumes for tall guys, big athletes, broad-shouldered guys, but not for fat guys.
What to do? Well, you can fall back on the old “I had to work right up until time for the party and couldn’t go home to change” routine. Or you can take the bull by the horns and work what you have. You’re a fat guy. Make it play.
Sumo Wrestler
This one takes some brass. But it doesn’t take much else. Traditional sumo garb is called a mawashi. It is a thick 30-foot long belt that is wrapped around the body and knotted in the back. A bedsheet or old curtain can be repurposed for this. Perhaps a dark wig and topknot could be used, as well.
If you do this, you will win prizes at parties. Walk tall.
Peter Griffin
Green pants; black belt; brown shoes; white, long-sleeve shirt with sleeves rolled up past the elbow, tucked in over the gut; glasses. Part your hair to the side. Find a guy to wear a chicken costume and wreck the party fighting with you, and you got it made.
Uncle Fester
This Addam’s Family fave is basically a monk robe with a rope belt. The real trick is in the makeup. Go with eyeliner, mascara, dark makeup around the eye sockets. A bald cap is a must. Then you have to liberally use “clown white” stage makeup all over everything above your collar except the eyes. Bring a lightbulb to hold in your mouth, especially if you can find one of those gag bulbs from a joke shop that will light up.
If you are thinking about this one, read up on Jackie Coogan, the actor who played Fester in the TV series. The guy was a fascinating person who hugely popular as a child actor, has a law named after him in California to this day, and flew missions behind enemy lines in plywood glider planes during World War II.
Fat Albert
White collared shirt, red sweater, blue pants or jeans, black belt, sneakers. Oh, and it helps to be black. If you choose to do the blackface thing, you’d better know the room you’re headed into. In fact, just forget I said anything about that.
Another Fat Guy
Pick another fat guy you know. Dress like that guy. Bonus points if you are going to a party that said fat guy will attend. There is nothing funnier than seeing a dude walk in wearing his “I had to work right up until time for the party and couldn’t go home to change” clothes, only to find himself staring back at him from across the room.
Don’t be the guy who wears an excuse. Be the guy who dares anyone to feel sorry for him. Let the other guy feel uncomfortable. Take home the prize.
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Friday, October 17, 2014
Thursday, October 9, 2014
In the word of lingerie
In the word of lingerie, there's a fine line between risqué and risky. The right stuff promises to make you feel powerful and alluring. But one false step and instead of Catherine Deneuve in Belle de Jour, you're an extra in Showgirls. As the Italian luxury lingerie brand La Perla celebrates its 60th anniversary, we asked the company's North America CEO Suzy Biszantz an global marketing director, Nick Tacchi, to share their expertise on what is—and isn't—sexy in the world of intimates.
wholesale lingerie
First things first: Fit and fabric are everything. Unless you nail these, it's curtains. Yet proper bra sizing continues to elude most of us. In brief, you should be able to slip a finger under the band when it's hooked at the loosest setting. A professional fitting could save you from what Tacchi calls the most common slipup. "Women often go with a band size that is too tight so that the cup size is right," he says. "That's wrong. They probably need to go up a band size and down a cup size."
A few key things to avoid: polka dots, large bows, ruching, garter skirts (proceed with caution), and, of course, itchy or uncomfortable fabrics. Be wary of aggressive neons and brights; if you're venturing beyond black or white, stick to rich jewel tones. Though they aren't gaudy, nudes (while ideal for wearing under white) have little place in the bedroom.
When dressing to thrill, your first choice should be something matching. "You can't go wrong with a Leavers lace set," says Biszants, citing La Perla's hand-loomed bra-and-panty pairings. Looking for something racier? This season it's all about a bustier, preferably in black. A silk chemise is another winner. If a special occasion garter belt (sans skirt) sounds like your idea of fun, then go for it, provided that it's simple and Deneuve-y.
Don't choose something you're uncomfortable in just to impress you intended audience. If, say, you're not on board with strategic cutouts, you're in luck—pieces that offer a bit more coverage are very much in demand. When it comes time to put on (or take off) panty-line-prone pieces, the G-string is no longer the sweet spot it used to be; it even feels a bit passé. Thank the rise in popularity of boy shorts and high-waisted briefs and laser-cut fabrics, which yield underpinnings so seamless it's as if you're wearing nothing at all.
A word of caution if you want to try high-waisted: Like so many trends, it's one that women seem to love and men seem to...not quite understand. "When men are buying gifts, I don't think it's high on their list," Biszants says. "If it's done with a sheer panel and paired with a bustier or bralette, it can be really sexy, but opaque high-waisted is definitely not a gentleman's favorite."
Granny panties notwithstanding, sexy is in the eye of the beholder. Asked what men are buying for their better halves, the consensus is that there is no consensus. But there is one thing everyone agrees on: Sexy is about confidence and attitude. "When you're not comfortable with what you have on, it will be visible," Tacchi says. "It will immediately break the game that's being played." Game on.
wholesale lingerie
First things first: Fit and fabric are everything. Unless you nail these, it's curtains. Yet proper bra sizing continues to elude most of us. In brief, you should be able to slip a finger under the band when it's hooked at the loosest setting. A professional fitting could save you from what Tacchi calls the most common slipup. "Women often go with a band size that is too tight so that the cup size is right," he says. "That's wrong. They probably need to go up a band size and down a cup size."
A few key things to avoid: polka dots, large bows, ruching, garter skirts (proceed with caution), and, of course, itchy or uncomfortable fabrics. Be wary of aggressive neons and brights; if you're venturing beyond black or white, stick to rich jewel tones. Though they aren't gaudy, nudes (while ideal for wearing under white) have little place in the bedroom.
When dressing to thrill, your first choice should be something matching. "You can't go wrong with a Leavers lace set," says Biszants, citing La Perla's hand-loomed bra-and-panty pairings. Looking for something racier? This season it's all about a bustier, preferably in black. A silk chemise is another winner. If a special occasion garter belt (sans skirt) sounds like your idea of fun, then go for it, provided that it's simple and Deneuve-y.
Don't choose something you're uncomfortable in just to impress you intended audience. If, say, you're not on board with strategic cutouts, you're in luck—pieces that offer a bit more coverage are very much in demand. When it comes time to put on (or take off) panty-line-prone pieces, the G-string is no longer the sweet spot it used to be; it even feels a bit passé. Thank the rise in popularity of boy shorts and high-waisted briefs and laser-cut fabrics, which yield underpinnings so seamless it's as if you're wearing nothing at all.
A word of caution if you want to try high-waisted: Like so many trends, it's one that women seem to love and men seem to...not quite understand. "When men are buying gifts, I don't think it's high on their list," Biszants says. "If it's done with a sheer panel and paired with a bustier or bralette, it can be really sexy, but opaque high-waisted is definitely not a gentleman's favorite."
Granny panties notwithstanding, sexy is in the eye of the beholder. Asked what men are buying for their better halves, the consensus is that there is no consensus. But there is one thing everyone agrees on: Sexy is about confidence and attitude. "When you're not comfortable with what you have on, it will be visible," Tacchi says. "It will immediately break the game that's being played." Game on.
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